I talk to people and meet new people everyday. I laugh and joke around. I have interesting conversations and meaningful interactions. I’m glad I have these things, they are a welcome distraction. For a passing moment they give me the good feelings, and for that I appreciate them.
But, I suppose no story would be complete without the in-between moments. The few seconds when you are rolling silverware into napkins and you pause, your eyes drifting into nothingness. The time you are tying your work shoe and you linger there, hunched over, staring at your laces.
There are a lot of mediocre things in life that good friends and camaraderie can make fulfilling. There are likewise a lot of good things in life that loneliness can make hollow.
I had an interview today and got another job as a hostess at a Fancy Steakhouse. It’s a restaurant-as-modern-art type of place; a tables-organized-to-promote-maximum-digestion type of place.
Sometimes I wonder when and if I will be able to get past the bubble of personal space and professional distance that seems so integral to US culture. Not that I even have the free time to have much of a social life anyway.. Am I right US people? Is this a real thing you experience or is it just me? Or maybe its a West Coast thing, a San Francisco thing..?
Maybe it’s a me thing. That is to say, I see other people looking like they have warm communal social experiences. Their metaphorical corners are populated daily by physical people, not monthly by a bunch of faces on laptop screens… So maybe it takes more time and I haven’t met the right people and I need to get out there and blah blah blah. Forget it.
It’s hot, I’ll go to the beach by myself.