Update, and missing sports bra

Hello again reader,

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything at all, I intended on putting more of whatever the hell up here soon. Maybe there will be some recent reflections on my life and learnings. But in the mean time I have some rando documents that I discovered in the bowels of my computer…

(The bra did magically apear on the table a few days after posting this sign)


It began one day long ago in a big 5 sports store. I saw her hanging on a rack with her friends, their acrylic blueness glistened in the fluorescent light. I reached out and took her gingerly by her hanger (from the others). For a long moment I held her there, staring into the depths of her label. Next thing we knew, we were in the dressing room together. When the white inline of her blue polyester-nylon fabric first touched the pinky-whiteness of my boobs, they erupted into song. They sang of the morning dew in spring, of the setting sun in far off lands. I knew at once that it was meant to be. A true soul-connection had been forged, the likes that only comes about in centuries.

For a year and a day my boobs and that bra remained stalwart companions, braving the most vigorous of workouts. We formed a bond unlike any the world had seen before.
That was… until this afternoon.

The spirits have taken my bra away from me. Without her support my boobs have sagged into an inconsolable dejection, and my muscles have begun to atrophy. Please! Return my beloved breast-holder to me if it has somehow ended up in your possession. I will not assume that you took it on purpose, seriously, who intentionally takes someone’s old sports bra? Please leave it right here on the table and I will come get it. Thank you! Thank you!


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